this lil world of mine

Insomia

2008-07-26T06:43:00.002+08:00

Toss and turn in bed but still cannot sleep...hmm...been a long while since i really have a good sleep. Wonder what is wrong with me... :(

Lost my hp again...yes...its AGAIN. Everything just don't seem to be going well for me! Is it the luck thingy or is it just me??

Anyway, i had been thinking about the issue on making wrong decisions. I believed all humans will do something or made wrong decisions at certain point of their life. It's normal isn't it? The most important part isn't here, it's whether your love ones are willing to accept the faults,forgive and forget and still move on.

I learnt it the hard way, and the answer is NO. Even though the other party did express that he/she are willing to forgive and forget and continue loving you, there will always be a thorn in their heart. And this thorn will constantly be pricking them making them remembering all the unhappiness that the 'sinner' had brought to them. But have they ever spare a thought for the 'sinner'? He/she has to carry this guilt towards the other party and continued their life. Maybe this 'sinner' is valready trying very hard to ease the pain of the other party by giving in even more than before, or loving the other party even more, but in return is just to get reminders of how this 'sinner' had done wrong in the eyes of the other party....The worwst is when everything is just not as complicated as what the 'victim' had made it to be....

If its meant to be,its meant to be

2008-05-10T02:50:00.003+08:00

A lot things had happened these few weeks. I quit my job. Yes, my mum won....I give up, had enough of her combos...got another job, starting next monday. This time round, it comes with a basic salary, with cpf contributions...yep, I'm free from her naggings for the time being.

Having a tough time with my relationship too. It just seems like I could never have a normal, lasting relationship...hah...Duno if I'm still in it or not....Of coz I felt the pain but I felt more of an emptiness...oso duno how to describe the feelings that I had...just weird...

Maybe this is really a bad month for me...

Golden Lesson

2008-04-20T03:23:00.001+08:00

1. Change is constant and inevitable. Everyone has a certain threshold of embracing change and it can be positive or negative, depending on how we look at change. Opportunity today comes from our ability to embrace and adapt to changes. Stay static, and we’ll be left in the dust. Change can be a very good opportunity for growth.
2. While the thermostats set the temperature of the room, thermometers rise and fall according to that temperature that is set. One of the key leadership challenge is that leaders set the temperature with the people they’re working with. If there are frustrations or conflicts at work, manage the atmosphere before it begins to manage you. Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.
3. Courage is resistance to fear. Since true courage is action in the face of fear, confidence can be developed and strengthened by try something new that takes us out of our comfort zone and expands our sense of possibility
4. Knowledge can be acquired while wisdom is the application of knowledge. Sometimes we are impressed by people who serve like a walking information repository. But it’s always the wise people who absorb those knowledge and apply them at the right place and right time. If wisdom is the ability of applying and taking advantage of knowledge, knowledge in itself will be just merely a tool of wisdom. -- Just some notes to pnder on...

When a person is down...

2008-02-24T00:37:00.002+08:00

There are times when a person is down. I may potray a very strong front in front others, but there are times like now that I also cannot take the lonliness and felt really helpless too...

Pictures are served to be good memories, but to me, it just further put more pain onto my heart. Days seem to pass very very slowly. What seemed like a relatively short time seems like eternity to me.

Friends may be around, but what I need is still baby...I'm missing him so so much that it hurts... But when the sun is up, I'll have to hide this weak side of me and continue my battle with yet another day....

I'm not superwoman, I cry too...

Waiting is a tortourous process

2008-02-16T16:23:00.002+08:00

IT's already the second month of year 2008, and its also the 6th day without baby by my side. Everyday I had beed counting down, counting down to the day when I'll be able to jump onto my baby again....I really tried very hard not to be affected by this, not to let my emotions come over the reality, but it's really tough at times.

Initially, I thought it will be easy if I just concentrate on my work. But this 6 days, my production is so so low.... I can't seem to be bable to find back the enthusiasm in work. Everyday I just return with average 2 subs. It's really bad, cuz it affected my income also. I really need to buck up.

Maybe the reason why I'm so affected is not only I'm missing baby, but also I'm scared. I'm scared that this short term separation will weaken our relationship and will affect us...I do agree with friends for saying that this separation may be a test to our relationship and may even make it stronger, but I still can't help but to worry. Maybe it's because I love baby too much that I really don't want to lose him....

I pray hard everyday that baby will return soon so that all these worrying will be stop and things will be like last time for us...Really really praying very very hard....

Dream Come True

2008-01-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

Yipee!!!I finally got my fav doggie!!!Introducing KIDDO!!Hmm...but photos not up yet, well soon it will be up! He's really a special dog, somehow it seems like we share a special bond between us.

Went for Julia's weddin just now, well, it was boring as usual. And everything when I attended such wedding, it makes me think when it will be my turn...I'm not eager to get married la, just that the assurance is no there. I know this kinda thing cannot rush, but...sigh...Maybe the best I can do is to concentrate on my career now...

Welcome 2008!

2008-01-01T20:46:00.001+08:00

Its already year 2008...some people think it is a great time to recount what had happened in the previous year. For me, I don't think I want to do that...BUT, I would like to list my new year resolutions!

1. Be a project manager.
2. Get my weight back to 48kg...(tough...lol)
3. Buy my dream gucci bag.
4. Go for a holiday with hubby!
5. Get my citibank card.
6. Buy hubby a gucci wallet.
7. Save at least 1k per month.
8. Adopt a puppy!
9. Get my driving licence.
10. Buy a laptop.

Well, these are the things that i really want...so i will really work hard to get all fulfilled!!

我们依然是朋友

2007-12-09T02:21:00.001+08:00

情人节的前一天,
他离开你身边却剩下你到至今的想念,
那一夜我陪着你,
你哭了一整夜你是否知道我对他一样很想念
直到有一天我和他碰面
在那间我们常去的咖啡店
才知道有些感受我和他谁都不曾说出口
我们之间隐藏了什么除了我自己没人懂
可是你,
你怎么说你知道好事不是从此避开我哦,
我一样难过多希望我们不曾相识过

才知道有些感受我和他谁都不曾说出口
我们都是最好的朋友
谁会有勇气去开口
不在乎不再难过
我们还有好大好大的借口喔～
故事的最后我们都不曾失去过什么
我们依然是朋友噢～

Love this song...

Happy Birthday Baby

2007-12-08T19:02:00.000+08:00

Just celebrated baby's birthday on Monday at Dragonfly. Lotsa people were there, and the best part is-->I was drunk! Hmm...can't help but kept suspecting it had something to do with the last drink that Nelson forced me to drink. Yikes! I bet he added something into it. Anyway, I managed to remember how I got home coz I was only concussed for a while...still quite strong huh? -lol-

And finally after sending out tons of resumes, I finally got calls for interviews and I did went to quite a number of it. I suppose I will settle with the event planning executive position. Sound boring but there are alot of things to learn from it. May be something different and hopefully able to excel in it!

2007-11-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

"A classic Disney fairytale collides with modern-day New York City in a story about a fairytale princess (AMY ADAMS) from the past who is thrust into present-day by an evil queen (SUSAN SARANDON). Soon after her arrival, Princess Giselle begins to change her views on life and love after meeting a handsome lawyer (PATRICK DEMPSEY). Can a storybook view of romance survive in the real world?"

Went to watch this movie recently. It was totally mesmerizing! Typical classic fairytale yet at the same time surprises are much added to make the movie just that lil bit diff frm the usual 'happily ever after'.

Ooh...totally engrossed in this number one love story....its still a girlish thingy~hee!

Where the torments started...

2007-09-27T03:42:00.000+08:00

Lots of thoughts had been swirling in my mind for some time, or to be precise, these weird thoughts had been in my mind on the day when I popped the question on how much does he love me.

It was just a normal lazy day, we were watching tv and the question came into my mind:
Me:"Baobei, how much do you love me?"

Silence...followed by a weird smile..

Him:"90% lor!"

Stunned...lost for words...back to the scenario after 2 minutes.

Me:"Huh? Why is it 90% and not 100%?"

Him:"Aiya, 10% for myself mah!"

Turned away and continue watching tv..

Left there stunned, no idea of what to say on this never expected comment...

So that is when all these weird thoughts started to conquer my brain thoughts each day till now. Thus, I guess I'm left with no other choices but to accept this truth and live with it. If I say it doesn't matter to me if he doesn't love me fully though he did promise to marry me I must be lying. Marriage is just the next phase of life, whereas love is something that is always there, every minute, every second...

All I can say is that women are born to be emotional freaks...that's probably the main reason why women are always hurt the most in most relationships...

Best Friend For Life

2007-09-02T17:14:00.000+08:00

I'm glad that in my life there is a friend whom I can count on no matter what happen. She's the one who is able to read my mind, she's the one who truly understand me no better than anyone else.

And she's my best friend, not just now, but for the rest of my life as well.

Nicole, I love you!!

2007-08-14T01:32:00.000+08:00

I had always wana be a good girlfriend, i mean, which gal wouldnt want to rite? Especially after so many things had happened, the talk that baby and i had at the chalet, had made me even more determined to be a good or rather the best gal he ever had.

After that talk, i did ponder on the topics that we covered over and over again, honestly, i did asked myslef if this is the relationship that i want for the rest of my life, if hes the man i wana be forever. And my answer is YES.

Therefore, the more i have to work hard to make him love me more each day. Now im already restricting myself from kicking nup a big fuss when hes tokking to gals,which i admit its still quite difficult. Especially when i noe he and those gals are quite close. But i noe baby i oso making an effort to give me more security by not going up to them when we saw them outside.

And i noe that those gals hated me, but hey, which gal wouldnt wana protect their own man?? even if they really hated me, theres nothing i can do, can i?

3 more days and its my m5 paper. All jitters!!i havent really cover much of it, cun concentrate, its too wordy...so long haven been studying this way le, really cun get back the hang of it. But for baby and my future, i have to do it!!

2007-08-03T12:24:00.000+08:00

A lot of pple say that women are the most sensitive animals on Earth, and probably, oso the most overly-sensitive ones.

But has anyone ever stop to think why are we women so sensitive? It may be due to the other party behavin suspiciously, both parties started to drift apart, or simply, the love that wss once so strong, so full of passion is no longer there.

Me, as a woman, i admit that i do have strong sensitive sense. Its not because im paranoid, its because of the actions that had been displayed before me. Maybe we had been spending time too much together, maybe its true when pple said that a couple will need time apart now and then..

2007-06-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Does this world grow with humans or humans grow with this world?
Lotsa pple around me seemed to be getting more and more selfish..
What had happened to the care and share system??
The one that the government had been promoting it so widely in the late 80s to the early 90s?

Even family members are getting selfish towards their own family members..
Its saddening to see all this happening around me..

How am i supposed to live simply with all these hostility?
Its not gona be easy...Should life be about how b had said?
Do not be nice to pple, at least not to most pple, just be nice to those who treat u best.

Is that how our world is going to be soon?
Or has it already become lidat?

A year older....

2007-05-26T14:49:00.000+08:00

I'm old!!!oops, already 24...and i had only just started to work seriously...though this year's bdae celebration is quite different from those that i had previously but im happy and contented that i had it well spent with my love ones. Would like to thank my baby for picking me up after work and giving me a treat at the hotpot my another baby, for giving me such a great surprise and the present that she had gave me love it alot alot!!!

Hmm...so fast another year had passed....its time to get serious in life! still adjusting to office life but nevertheless had been missing on designings....haiz...life is such a bitch..can never have the best of both world...sad...

Jealousy Does Kill

2007-05-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

Whoever in the world says that he or she will not be jealous if their the other partner toks to the opposite sex is lying. 100% liar. I admit that my tolerance level is high probably even higher than most people, but that doesnt mean i wun be angry!!

Totally pissed!!!!!

CSI: The Death Of A Fresh Graduate

2007-04-25T15:16:00.000+08:00

Dead....gona be found so dead in some corner of jurong.....

Kill me plz....

2007-04-24T16:36:00.000+08:00

Just kill me now...heavily in debt and got to settle it by end of the month....KILL ME

A Thousand and One Disturbance

2007-04-23T15:24:00.000+08:00

Now is into the second week after my graduation. And guess what?yupz, i'm still without a job....Momo offically closed for renovation...but i havent tell ning that i wan quit....duno how to say...afraid that once i said it,probably when it reopen,im still without a job...

Joyce didnt go for the SIA recruitment...she said shes not ready...hmm....everyone ask me go try emirates...i wana try,but looking at my age...once i finished the bond,i'll be lyk 27,28? old maid...lol actually, i did wanted to try to get into SIA before, and that was like when i'm 18 or 19? Maybe when every gal reached that certain age she'll alwayz dreamed of being the singapore girl.

The only reason why i didnt go SIA is caused of my tattoo...regrets?well...not really...once one decided on a tattoo, it is known that this particular tattoo will be with you for the rest of your life...and for mine?its at a quite prominent area...well, i do admit that sometimes i really wish people won't know i have it on me, but after so long, it has already become a part of me, i have to accept it isnt it?

Momo closed last saturday. Met up with von, nic and corene before work. Just updating on one another on our life, whateva had happened etc. Von asked about sam...hmm...dun really feel the pain that much already...but of cause theres still this tiny weeny bit of it left. Then we started on the topic of smoking, nic was saying she wun live long caused she had been smoking for 2 yrs and been quite a heavy one lately. Then it dawned onto me that im much worse...i had been puffing for almost 10yrs!!!omg...i cun believed it myself too till i did a recount...this is one thing i regretted doing...i did try to kick the habit, but its difficult. Till now, i only managed to smok a lighter one and lesser each day...but the morning yearnings is so unglam...yucks!

If only i had been a good gal in cgs then i wun be what i am now...haha!!!Still rmbr thosr tyms when lihua,shanne and me skipped lessons, ran outta school and slack...the nxt morning kana called into office and often been threaten to be kicked out of school...well, true enough, the both of them got kicked out, coz lihua got pregnant at the age of 15, shanne due to a fight. And its all because of shanne that i got continue to stay in cgs coz she didnt say me out...i wanted so much to admit that i was involved in the fights as well but shanne was determined to let me stay...After that, i really did try to study, but without them i really feel damn lonely in school...detention oso do alone...kaoz...lol

Hmm...little people knew about my past, everyone thought i was a good gal having a great family, great upbringing, normal girlish frens etc. True, i'll just let them continue to think that way then, since they had painted such a beautiful pic for me, i shall not say much about my ugly past...but somehow, it is this past that made me grew up faster than most of the gals of my age...I used to envy my frens with the perfect family life. Having both loving parents, having great sunday times...me?i grew up in a family of quarrels and fights. I learnt to protect myself at the age of 10 when my mum tried to use a knife to slash me...nd the 2nd time is when she tried to use the metal hanger to hit me and threaten to lock me up in the girls' home...

Im glad that i didnt really become anything bad even in such an environment...but one bad thing is i learnt to keep everything to myself...i simply bottled everything up in me and tell no soul...i tried to open up dis few years, but i just cun do it. I felt that once i did that not much pple can accept me any further...sometimes when i think back on my past, i could just cry...not because of how bad i am, but it is because of the wrong choices that i had made...

As i had said, now is like a new chapter of my life, i really wana make something out of it...

The Awaken Period

2007-04-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

When i woke up today,i finally realized what i wana do with my life. All along i wanted to get a job that is somehow related to my dip. However,after waiting for so long for replies from jobstreet, i came to a conculsion, or rather i have to finally admit to myself...the fashion market in spore is damn too small...i need to carve a road out for myself!!

Since i had already given up the dream of going over to aussie, then i shud fulfill my second dream, that is to have a shop of my own.but of coz i'll need capital to do so....haiz..so have decided to find a job first. I give myself 3 yrs the most.

Have to do it and i will do it!!!

Slacker

2007-04-17T16:19:00.000+08:00

Hmm...admit that im a slacker yup...but its only for a while isnt it? Well, at least this is what i'm telling myself.. I did send out resumes to jobstreet, and there were a few replies. But i'm not really interested in those...who in hell wana be a shoe designer??and its for an unknown company....Maybe there are a few people out there who will be interestd, but all i can say is, that is definitely not for me!!

So, meanwhile,i shall just slack slack and slack....no matter what, it is something that i had been waiting for a long long time!!-lol-

Been pondering on the question that baby was asking me two days ago...he said:"How much do i love him?" of coz i replied what a person with brians will :"Very very much indeed!" Then he said he don't feel that i love him that much....dunno why but that sentence is really hurtful. But after putting down the phone with him, i kpt asking myself, how in the hell do you let a person konw that you really love him/her to that certain extent?? Issit by telling him/her that you love him everyday, or issit by showering him/her eith surprises or gifts now and then? To me, honestly, i do not love baby that much in the first place, its not because im mean, its just a shield that i had put up to protect myself against anymore hurts that may come from him...But as time goes by, i do realized that im lovin him more and more each day...and i really wana to let him feel that...

However till now, i really duno how to tell mum about him...im afraid that she'll start to ask what is he doing right now, intending to study anot...is not that mum will look down on him, hopefully not...but, i do not want her to feel that or rather think that im making the wrong choice again..

Because i think that i did not make any wrong choice this time round. Im so determined coz hes the only guy that im willing to give up my dream of studying in Aussie...say im dumb or numb-skulled....i had already decided not to go aussie anymore...but i duno how to tell KJ that im not gg anymore...hmmz...

So right now, im really crossing my fingers real hard, praying that im right this time round....

Finally....yeah...

2007-04-12T15:33:00.000+08:00

Its officially over yeah!!!All the hardwork of the past 3yrs came to a fantastic closure on the stage last nite...hmm...realli a grt sense of satisfaction.

But one more worri now...im jobless and super broke....mdm wong closed down wif immediate effect from today and will onli reopen in may..dbl o oso didnt call me...oh well, dis is lyk wat pple say,the dae when u graduate is oso the dae u becum jobless....realli true man....

Random thoughts

2007-04-07T16:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm...come to think of it i havent been home for about a week plus??but no one seems to notice that i'm not around....oh well...nothing is new...im oso not realli keen on gg back...bad memories....or probably i dun dare to go back for fear that i cun take those memories...

Went for the dbl o interview,now awaiting for their call..alot of pple kept asking me y im back to the nite life when now i had my diploma?comon...its the faster way to earn money man....and i seriously need it...i have my dreams to work towards to....alwaz wanted to leave spore to live in somewhere else, to have a new start...but looking at now,im not alone,but at the same tym i duno if we do have a future...shud i work towards my dream risking being alone for the rest of my life or shud i stay on to wait?? I have no idea, in a total delimma...

Just felt dat spore is not a place for me....too many bad memories, but of coz there are good ones for me to savour on...lol...but overall, just felt that it isnt a place for me...maybe my fren is rite, maybe lyk wat he said, aussie may be a beta place for me...duno...thinking very randomly now...

A Brand New Chapter

2007-03-31T21:03:00.000+08:00

Probably now everything is over le, everything has reached an end.

It is time that i embark on a brand new journey, collecting new memories.....

Adieu to the past....

Birthdays

2007-03-28T17:37:00.000+08:00

Yeah man, its nicole's bdae again. Had been celebrating with her for lyk 3-4yrs already?time really passed fast...after her bdae will be mine soon...dun ask me how i wana celebrate it, i really have no idea...no point plan everything put high hopes but in the end, unexpected events will happen...

Dun even ask me wat is my bdae wish...somehow, as a person grew older, wishes dun seem to make any big diff anymore.if really wans to wish, well, gimme a love that says forever then. See what i mean?lol...

All i ever wan is a simple and happy relationship. I just wan a guy whom i love dearly and vice versa and live happily together. Have our own family, own hse etc. But things will nvr be so perfect. Up till now, im still in the midst of looking for one. And with each failed relationship, im beginning to lose faith...in love, in myself.

One may say dat, well, love is not everything, love is not dat important at all. Well, true, but onli to a certain extend. Can a person realli live all alone? Yes, the person may have frens, but who can be so sure that ur frens wun find the one they had been looking for all along??

These few days, my mood had been really bad. Alwaz so lost in thoughts....duno wat im living for either.Does he realli wans dis relationship?i duno, he said he do, he said he cares a lot for me...im very very vexed....

Lost . Confused . Perplexed

2007-03-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

Assessments are finally over, now left with the final show and the money to pay...School probs are not much anymore, unless looking at the money issues, then ya...its still a big headache.

However, there are other issues, issues that shouldn't have been there in the first place. Does love equals to trust? If they do equal to each other, then I'm a total fool....Whatever it is, all I can say is that I have to learn how to control my feelings. Lost, confused and perplexed are the three best words that can describe me now...

Staying Focus

2007-02-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

It's the last three weeks to end of the torture.But somehow,im already like losing bits by bits of my confidence, the will power to continue and the passion for fashion. I'm beginning to hate fashion day by day, I'm no sure if I'm like hating it or rather, I'm scared of it.

I don't really wana go school almost everyday. In the past, I'll still do my homework, and got myself to wake up on time and go to school for lesson, but now its lyk, im no longer feeling the need nor the interest to go school or do anything that has to do with school. The drive is not there anymore.

I'm so stressed up, i felt dat im wasting my tym, i had actually wasted so much of my tym doing nothing achieving nothing. Friends of my age had at least achieved something in life. Most of them had their dips and are pursuing their degrees right now. Whereas those w/out cert have at least reached somewhere there in their career path. Me??im nothing....and im 24!!

These fw weeks im really thinking hard of what exactly do i want in life. And the ans alwayz turned out the same. I wana open shop, my own shop, lead a simple life, be it in spore or other country, i just wana do my own biz....but i dun even have any capital to start with and im already so old....

So i guess all i can do now is to force myself to stay focus and do whateva i can for the last 3 weeks....I'm crossing my fingers man...

When You Need That Lil' Perk

2007-02-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

All along I had been stressing, yeah man, about school, about work, about myself. And it just got so bad that sometimes, I just hope to give it all up and hide under my blanket forever. It was one of those days again that night...was feeling damn lerthagic, damn hagged, damn tired, damn pek chek...Waiting at lucky plaza for marvin to reach home so as to get the laptop from him...waiting...waiting...waiting....mood level getting lower and lower as time went by. Finally, he got home, so we went up to his place, and then it just happened!! Dearest Sam did this really hilarious image and allowed me to take a picture of him...hahahaha!!!I really burst out laughing, and just at that moment, all the stress, all the tiredness just don't seemed to be there anymore!! He really put a wide smile to my face that night =)

Thanks for being such a dear making that smile happened....and..erm...dun scold me for putting up that pic ya?hahahaa!!!You are GREAT~

I HATE SCHOOL

2007-02-07T01:37:00.000+08:00

Hate Claire Leong!!!!She's the world most idiotic bitch!!! How dare she say that I traced my draft out during my re-assessment?? Is she mad?? Or rather, she's just out to go against us...PERVERTIC....

Hate William,lynn and may chang as well...now then they want us to take out the punk inspirations....think they are all mad...we onli left lyk 3 mths??OMG...im hating school day by day!!!Wanted so much just to give up all and dun care, but it will be damn stupid la....fuck!!

Singlehood Vs Couplehood

2007-01-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

Singlehood:

** Able to do whatever you wana do. e.g. eat the whole tub of ice-cream by yourself, dun have to share at all =)
** Able to go out with anyone, be it the person is a ger, a guy or an in-between.
** Able to wear the most unstylish tshirt and shorts at home, with your hair undone, no makeup on and with dat dorkiest pair of glasses.
**Able to give ur number to that cute guy u smooch wif at the club without feeling a pang of guilty.
**Unable to wear that couple rings you had adored for the longest time...
**Unable to watch cute Brad Pitt movie when all ur gfs are watching with their man..
**No one to tell you how pretty you are, how sweet you are, and how happy that someone is just by having you....
**No one to give you the warmest hug and sweetest kiss when your are just beginning to feel down...

Couplehood:
It's just the opposite of all the things mentioned above...

Well, there are pros and cons to being single and attached. But, the most important thing is one has to be happy regardless of which category he/she is in. But of coz, saying is often easier than doing...

Drink, Drank, Drunk...

2007-01-12T17:05:00.000+08:00

Was actually contemplating if i should go down to the usual hangout on wed, well, as wat kaka said, in the end, i still go...wasnt realli in the party mood, met up wif gab, tok cock a bit wif together wif nizan then jo came le. Went up to MW to drink, hmm...oso duno wat drink wsa dat, sam concocted it, juz taste like aloe vera juice...haha!! So, in the end, went over to momo to find kenny and drink the power one!!haha!!realli power sia, was drinking and playing games wif jo, and before i knew it, i was high liao...but i still continued to drink and drink...till to the point i started crying in front of them...

It was the next day before i knew what i was tokking to them about. They told me, i kept crying, saying no one loves me, asking if im realli such a bad gf, why no one could love me for who i am...juz kept on crying sia...then sam was the one who sent me home...and unfortunately i erm..puke on his bed haha!!so in the end he had to wash the bedsheet, wash the floor and practically stay up the whole nite to look after me, cuz when i woke up, i saw him awake forcing himself to watch tv...oops...hes the onli person who realli took care of me the whole nite when im drunk..dis made me thoink of the other tym when i was drunk and he came to fetched me home..i noe i was drunk, i drank too much, so im already trying my best to balance on the bike, but in the end, he still quarrelled with me...there sure to be reason as to why a person out of the blue drank so much de...why cun he understand leh?

After they told me what i said on that wed, i realized how sad i had been the whole while...nizan tok to me about it, he said if a person had been thinknig too much about something,when the person started drinking, it will be very fast b4 he/she becum very emo lyk how i was on that wed...he knew my probs and did help me in it...but in the end, everything still being decided by me rite?

I dun wana be drunk coz of sadness again, i realli wana be happy i wan to have myself back, and not think of how and wat should i do to prevent making the other party angry, or how and what i should say or decide so that we can go out normally...im so so tired le, my life had already been so upside down, now my day become my night and my night become my day...im neglacting my sch stuffs more and more, now to the point of simply bo chap and i noe its bad, its very bad. I realli wana complete my studies smoothly, i dun wana drag it anymore. I wan myself now...

Officially Jobless and Confused, Fucked up With My Life

2007-01-10T16:58:00.000+08:00

My title say it all....now only left with my MW job...hiaz....i still got lotsa unpaid bills, and my cough is getting from bad to worse...previously used to cough more at night, but now, im lyk practically coughing every single minute!

And to top it all, lovelife of mine is not well once again...what a way to start a new year....All these probs are weighing down on me, and I really felt so breathless everytime...and my life has become so abnormal...i drank alot, club alot and slp alot...but I still feel very lerthagic. I wana have my normal life back, though come to think of it, it wasn't realli that normal oso, but in the very least, more normal than now la...now its lyk, i only slp at 6am and woke up at 4pm...then i dun realli eat, cuz my whole body is lyk intoxicated with liquior, plus wif my cough, i wana puke sia...

And my love life??Haiz...Im so tired already...Somehow,we are too much like a couple, but a quiet one. We dun mixed ard with each other's frens, we dun enjoy any hobbies together, and we dun really tok lyk pals...I cun take it la....i need someone who can cheer me up wif stupid jokes, even if the joke is made on me, i need someone who laugh off at MY stupid and lame jokes and not go :"Huh? oh, ok.." I need someone who can mix well wif my pals, rnjoy the times wif them, play along with them and not alwaz put on a super stern face and i'll kept having pals coming to me asking y is my bf so angry...I need someone to share his knowledge with me maybe to tell me things frm goldfish do slp to Hilther is a gay....

I dun wan a bf to alwaz quarrel petty stuffs wif me, to be so fucking jealous coz im wif so and so, to trt me better after i flare up, to alwaz ask me to decide where to go and what to do just becoz hes the one driving....I noe encouragements are a bonus to anyone, but when its someone like me, when my probs are beyond solving, when i already noe the consequences and the limited means that i have to solve the probs, encouragements just dun work anymore, they juz made me feel more fucked up...however, if you cheer me up with stupid moves, stupid jokes or bring me to somewhere dumb, i'll feel really beta...

I'm already 24, i wan a guy to be with lyk the rest of my life if possible. I dun wana find those on short terms. And if im looking for my life partner, then i'll of coz find one who will make me happy whenever im wif him...hiaz...its just so fucking irritating...

Kiss GoodBye 2006~

2006-12-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

In just a few more days will be the end of year 2006 and the arrival of 2007. This year really passed fast...and a lot of things had happened. For example, I got new jobs, made new friends, got a boyfriend and more problems...

Financial probs, school probs, friendship probs and r/s probs... I dunno why recently we kept quarrelling. To the point that I'm unable to go work the nxt day coz the quarrel drag for so long. I dun understand where the problems lie, but all I know is that I hate these quarrels. The worst one was the one that I got framed and accused of commiting infidelity. That is so ridiculous....Its the truth that I didnt report that Jo they all are going to play majong and dan is nearby and asked me if i wana go for coffee and i said yes. They are all my friends!!Just becoz dan is a guy so I cun mit him??Hes my close friend!!A person whom I seek advice frm coz of his wide life experiences, he did helped me alot by accessing my probs and tokking to me. If no one tok to me, i think i would have gone crazy by now...Yes, I know I got nicole thay all to tok to, but they got probs too!!and its sometimes equally bad or worse...so we do tok,but its diff,when i tok wif the gals,we pour our probs out to feel beta but when i tok to dan its to ask him for advice...

Ytd, fawn called me cuz we had alwaz wana go blading and she offered to teach me. So when he noes, hes unhappy again....fawn is a gal, okok,she seems lyk a les and shes very nice to me, but shes still my fren rite??so juz becoz shes a les and shes nice to me so i shud keep away from her?? Then in the night i went drinking with sam and nic and after dat went down to momo to drink again. I did drank alot but i didnt do that often, so y flare up on me??i dun understand...i felt so suffocated...my life had nvr been so controlled b4...

im not a person who like to be restricted, i noe there are limits to wat i can do, but in the very least,i should go out with my own frens and cont to have my own life isnt it??when will my probs end??

I Heart You Both!!

2006-12-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since the three of us met up. Yup, that's darling von, b and me!! Love them deeply man! Had a great time chatting and pouring out all our probs to one and another, and even got to sing our lungs out!!haha!! They even accompanied me to go "collect debt". (only us noe what it means! *wink) just love them!!

Is my Luck Coming?Please make your way here now!!

2006-12-17T16:20:00.000+08:00

Shag, woke up not too long ago, didn't go to work today because last night dragged too long... Enquired about the full time criteria. Hmm...not too bad, pay's not bad, and I can give up one job and still be able to survive. So, now, praying hard to be able to get it!! Oh, Mel text me just now, it's regarding the NYE dance. She said the management made a mistake, I'm in!!! So that means, more money coming this way!!Woo~

Now, what I'm worried is the project. C didn't attend the critique session...she's supposed to be doing the technical drawing using freehand, but, she told J that she's still left with 3 of it undone and she didn't even get to sleep the whole night. So, we just ask her to come to school, but she wanted to email so that we can print it out...-_-" no time!!!omg...I'm beginning to question my own judgement now. Was it a mistake that I had done to help her and let her join our group??

It's just technical drawings, and she's making it seems like she's doing a whole tons of work...hello...I'm the one who did the sketches, the drawings, her last semester draft...if she think her those technical drawings are a lot, how about mine??

On hand, we still have to complete the product report, the A&P report and the VM report. But, she hasn't mention anything about those to us. On friday, we text her asking her what time she'll reach school but she didn't even bother to reply...that's just plain IRRESPONSIBLE. Now, I'm beginning to worry if I'll be dragged dwon by them anot. One is so slack, one is so bo chap...what should I do?? No matter how I tried to suppress my stress, I'll still unwittingly showed it out...but who will understand?? When I tried to confide in anyone, all they said was "Don't stress yourself too much, try to relax..blah,blah..." Well, I know that's the only thing they can say, but I also know that whatever they had just told me, won't be working....I don't blame them for saying that, they meant well too.

I need lotsa lotsa luck in my life right now, to help me overcome all these!!!If there is really Santa, I won't wish for a bag of gold anymore, I'll rather he give me a bag of luck that I can use....

So near yet so far..

2006-12-12T15:41:00.000+08:00

Gona graduate in 4 months time...finally, finally I'm going to be free from all these problems already.But, I do have a concern...will I be able to get a job?? Will I still be able to lead my somehow happy life like now??I'm not sure...KJ asked me if I just want to work with the diploma that I'll be having or do I have plans to study for a degree. Well, all along, I wanted very much yo be able to go overseas to study for a degree...but its always the money problem...I know Australia is a good place to study, but how about my school fees??I'm not an Ace srudent, so I won't be able to cliche any awrrds. Sometimes I kept thinknig why can't I be like others, to have the support from my family to study what I want.. I konw I'm not stupid academically. I can study and I know I can do well but it's always lack of the luck to study...But what to do...that's life isn't it??What should I do??

How to be indirectly direct??

2006-12-03T00:56:00.000+08:00

Recently, we are supposed to do a portfolio for christine's class. It's either you chose to do a new collection, or you use the group collection which we are doing for our final project now. Well, of course doing a new collection will be the best, since we'll be using this portfolio to go out for interview in the future. Now,J wana use our group project to use as her portfolio...The problem here is, I'm the one who drew everything, all the 10 designs!!So, I don't feel that it's quite fair that she's using it for HER portfolio...but, I duno how to tell her...I don't wana spoil the friendship between us, yet I really don't wana let her use my drawings...what should I do??

Worst Month of the Year

2006-11-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

I got a shock when I saw my roster...its so so pathetic!!Just 15 days for the whole month!! How am I going to survive on that? And to add more misery to my life, I lost my job at st james, and
I'm no longer at RC. Oh ya,one more misery to add, I have to pay the 1.3K by end of dec....can someone just kill me now??To permanently end it once and for all??

MoMo Nite

2006-11-24T20:58:00.000+08:00

The whole day I had been thinking if I should go down tonight anot, finally just a few minutes ago, after nic called me, then we decided to go down again. Well, no surprises, since we go down almost ever week!! It's like a gathering place for all of us. If you asked me whether I'm sick of that place...hmm...my answer will be a yes and a no. Yes because the music are getting suckier no because I get to have fun with all my friends there...haha!!Ironic..

Anyway,I'm at IO right now. So happy to find that there is internet access here..haha!! But have to be damn careful not to let the isetan monsters see, if not...sure die!!

So hungry...still got 1 more hour to go....faster faster....

Awaken

2006-11-24T02:09:00.000+08:00

A great discovery was made recently. I had actually wasted my 2 years of youth with a bastard!! For those who know me well, they will have a good idea of whom I'm referring to... Well, I'm not going into much details of what had happened, because just the thought of that incident irks me...

It seems like my final project is finally seeing some light. Things are finally moving, and we are finally all doing something. Maybe things won't be as bad as I had thought it might be... The concepts are all there, now, what we are lacking are the designs. I just can't seem to draw anything out...it seems like I had lost the ability of drawing...omg, its horendous...

I need all the luck in the world to get back my ability to draw!!!!Argh!!!It's so maddening!!

I Really Wana Give Up

2006-11-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

It's the last part of the journey of acheiving my diploma, but I felt like giving it all up now. I felt so difficult to breathe, so difficult to find back the passion, the concentration! There are just so many so many problems.

By December I have to find the 1.3k to pay for the graduation show. Then I also have to think of ways to get the money for the school fees. Furthermore, now that we have to change our materials, re-search for new more 'classy ' materials, means, I'll have to get more money...Where in the world can I get all these money??? It's here money, there also money...omg...can someone give me money????

It's like now I realized that this course is not really what I wanted, what I actually wanted is to work in the publishing line, to be a journalist, or work in the advertising group...I shouldn't have given up the chance of studying in a JC. At least I'll be able to get into Uni easier...then can also get what I want...Upon realizing this, I really don't have much mood in doing this course anymore...I felt so suffocated!!!

Now I'm so angry with myself, angry that I didnt realized what I want earlier, angry that I made mistakes after mistakes...till now, at the age of 23, I still achieve nothing...I felt so much like a failure!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

We Have To Grow Up

2006-11-14T02:34:00.000+08:00

Everyone has to grow up at a certain point of time. No one can always remain as a kid. Why? Because when we grew older, our responsibilites grew as well, and we have to learn to deal with all these responsibilities.

I don't understand. Almost two years, but he is still the same. Still as childish, as stubborn...refusing to hear anything that I have to say. Still running away from problems, running away from responsibilities, waiting for others to pick up the bits and pieces of problems that he had created. A few hours ago, after putting down the phone with him, (it's another round of arguement) I realized I was very lucky that we broke up. If I was still in a relationship with him, I realyl don't think I'll be able to lead my life now. My life would probably be quarrels, money woes, quarrels, working round the clock and of course, more quarrels.

I did love him once, and it was deep. However, the pain that he incurred in me was the most heart wrenching experience. To think that I even went into depression because of him! Nay, luckily I'm all over those now. I was brain dead for 2 years plus, I wouldn't want to continue being dead anymore. Now, I'm able to see things clearly, understand things in deeper depths.

To those people out there who are still lavishing on their past, please, open your eyes and see things in a different perspective. You guys broke up because of a truth. And since the truth is there, please take a good look at it. Breaking up is not as bad as you think, at least it helps you to stay away from further heartaches, further quarrels and bring you to a happier place, helping you to move on with your life, allowing you to see things or realized things that you might never thought was ever there.

Think about it....

Stages

2006-10-31T00:46:00.000+08:00

Each and everyone of us grew in different parts of our life. Each unhappiness met will be a new lesson learnt. When I looked back at my life, I realized that I had quite a lot of unhappiness...lol. But only now did I learn...yeah man, I'm S.L.O.W

Be it academic wise, family affairs or love affairs...I really only realized my mistakes now...I shouldn't have be so dumb and deny entry to SAJC and did not insist on going to nafa and went to nyp instead.

I should have learn to spend more time with my family members, get to know my relatives better, be closer to them.

I should have realized that true love is just a matter of patience, and I should have just continue to wait so as to prevent all the heartbreaks that I had encountered. I knew bei when I was 16 and got together with him briefly. And after that he seemed to disappear. Then we got in contact again when he's in trouble, and the 'briefly affair' started again, in the end?yup, you guessed it, it ended abruptly. After all these, I told myself, we are just not meant to be. So, after that, all my relationships I went in search for guys who love me more than I love them. Most of them didn't last long, some I can say is I'm sick of them, while there are one or two that I really fell in love with them but turns out that they did not love me as much as I thought they did.

Went one big round and in the end I got bei again. haha!! When I looked back, I find it quite funny...in the past, I really cried hard when he just left me without a reason, and it's not just for once!!So, bei, if you are reading this now, this message is for you:

"I had cried for you umpteen times, thinking over and over again why you would do that to me.
When we lost contact, I did tried to find you back, a few times I did, coz I remember your number. But when I finally forgot, I told myself to discard the disappointment and told myself this is really the end to it. However, fate brought us back together again by arranging for us to bump into each other in the most impossible condition. Fate also brought us together as a couple.
But to tell you the truth, I do not hold any high hopes initially because I wanted to protect myself from heartbreaks which I had got from you previously. However, through your actions, I felt that this time round you are serious and I'm also slowly putting back the old feelings that I had for you. At times I'll hold back, not wanting to put in too much because I still feel scared, thus you may felt the insecurities there. But I do hope you understand my situation and the reason of why I'm doing that...If to say insecurity, I felt more insecurity than you do. To be frank, you had wound my heart too many times, and its deep wounds. I'm not blaming you here, I just want to make you understand. I may flare up for nothing, but it's because I'm confused, I'm scared of coming out of the healing zone and I'm angry for that timidness in me. Thus, I hope you'll give me more time and not aggrevate things further. Wounds take time to heal, especially deep wounds. Nevertheless, I still love you, so don't ever think I don't...."

Put some Thoughts Into This...

2006-10-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

Recently, I had a conversation with a gal friend of mine. And this particular conversation really set my thoughts running...it goes like this:

Gf: Ger, would you be with a person who loves you more than you love him, or would u rather be with the one whom you love yet doesnt really reprocicate the love you had for him?

Me: Erm...aiyo, your question very chim leh...why leh?Why you suddenly ask me this?you got bf liao mah, and he really treat you very well leh!

Gf: Ya i know...but you should know me...i dun really love him that much...im still having feelings for A....

Me: Huh??but...but you do know that A is a bastard rite? He left you for some other sluts!!!And he lied to you for soooo lonnng!!!

Gf: Ya i noe, but i just duno how to not love him! Hes the one guy that really took my heart away..

Me: OMG! ger, dun tell me that you are going to break up with your bf now...Do u actually realized how lucky you are to have him??Whatever you say, whatever you do, hes always so supportive!!And the best thing is he dotes on you like theres no tomolo!!Furthermore, hes even planning the future that he envisioned you being inside with him!!Are you mad?

Gf: I know, I know!!I'm not breaking up with him, just that the more he treats me nice, the more i felt bad and as a result, i'll pick on him!!Every little thing!!Even the way he eats...How??i felt like a witch!!!!So evil~

Me: Yeah man, you are really evil...haiz...ger, u noe wat? In this world, you can nvr have the exact things that you had always wish u'll have. In this case, u'll nvr be with the person whom think that you loved deeply. But, as an outsider, i felt that, its not that u love A as much as you had said. I just felt that you just felt it as a habit being with him. No matter wat, u guys had been together for 2 years plus...but, look, its a fact that he left u, he walked out on you for some cheap sluts, and he even cook up some cock and bull story of why hes putting the relationship to a halt.

And just when you thought Love is turning its back on you, he actually got you another guy. And this time round, Love had a new pair of glasses on, he found the best for u!!U may not love him as much as you had loved A, but feelings can be developed and love has to be nurtured rite?

Gf: Uh-huh...so...i'll just have to continue to make myself think that i love my bf?

Me:....y do i have such a dumb gf??HEY!!!NUT HEAD!!u love your bf k??just not enough!!It might be becos you are holding ur feelings back due to the failed r/s u had with A...Comon, when u just got together with A, its the same thing...u had juz got out of a nasty r/s with X rmbr? and u n A almost cun make it...and to compare, A wasnt so sweet to u as ur bf now...I noe lah, A is more style dats y u like him more rite??

Gf: i'm not too sure oso...but, i realli felt better when i went out with A rather than my bf...felt more proud...

Me: U r a witch man!Style can be develop, trust me...i'm a fashion student..But, once true love is gone, no matter how u pray for it to come back, it will nvr cum back...I realli wants u to be happy...i dun want u to keep indulge urself in dat horrible past r/s with A the bastard!!

Gf: Alrite...i think u do make a point...but i really needs time...

Me: I understand...dun turn ur back at true love k?Open up ur heart, forgets about the past r/s, just keep some for urself to rmbr as a sweet memory will do. Tell urself, u deserved that nice guy out there, and not to some nasty bastard that keep toying with ur feelings making u felt like shit!

Gf: okok...hey, ger, thx ya? REalli felt better after tokking to u...

Thats the whole conversation...well, i believed the question tht my gal friend posted to me will also be a normal question pop up by a lot of pple. The answer??Neither...to me, most importantly is that you felt comfortable, happy and contended with the person you are with noe. That's the most important thing, isn't it?

Treasure

2006-10-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

Life is so so vulnerable...terry's mum just passed away due to cancer. Everyone expected it but just not so soon...Uncle told us auntie didnt have any regrets, shes already very contended with what she was blessed with...she's such a strong lady. Looking at terry, my heart really aches...hes putting on a strong front, but anyone who know him well enough will noe that hes bleeding inside. He was so close with auntie....I duno wat to do or wat to say to be able to ease some of his pain, just pray that he'll get over it or at least move on with his life...

During this period of time, when such unhappy things happened, one tends to look back into the past. I looked back at my past, recalling all the ups and downs in everything that had happened in my life at any point of time. I lost my dad at the age of 16, and i only came to terms with it when i was 21. Frankly speaking, im not much of a speaker. I dun lyk to tok to others about my probs, ya, i do tok, but i'll try not to reveal too much. Maybe becoz im protecting myself in one way or another. And i can understand the difficulties of putting up that "Hey, im ok, im moving on well" look. Many times i had cried silently in my room, asking to no one in particular why my life is lidat...

Life and death, so so close to one another....no one will noe what's gona happen to themself the next moment. Will i live to see the sun the next morning?i wun noe...pple often say to treasure the pple, the things around you, but in actual fact, how many pple can manage to do that?not much definitely...

if treasuring is so easy, i wun have so much regrets in my 23 yrs of living....thus, i just have to deal with that fact isnt it?

To Auntie:"You are the kindest and sweetest mum i had ever seen,
You did try your best to fight that horrible battle,
But things just didn't go the way we all wanted it...
You will always be the beautiful mum that we all will remember
You will be missed greatly..."

Time To RElax...Phew~

2006-10-10T00:46:00.000+08:00

yippie~!!Assessments are finally over...well...though i didnt do well in it,hmm...its over isnt it?wat to do?haiz..cun change the facts too. So, now have to really buck things up and start the brain up there wrking to its fullest! But, before i do dat, i muz get back all the lost slps and enjoyments 1st!!Especially time with bei.

During those assessement times, i realli let stress took over me. I was constantly tired, pissed and easily agitated and beibei got it worst of all. Now, come to think of it, i felt so bad about it...ouch* So now, i will find time to accompany him and get back the happy times we used to have. I'm sorry bei~

Another thing i have to do is to work as much as i could, as in sales wise. Have to earn lotsa money to avoid cashflow probs...juz endure a few more mths and all these penniless daes will be over PERMANENTLY! YES! I MEAN IT! hee~there are so much things i wana do after graduation...hmm...juz take a look at my wish list, actually its longer than that, juz dat i paiseh to put la...haha~

Lalalala~assessments over...Lalalala~

THE BIG DAY~

2006-10-05T15:05:00.000+08:00

Yeshh....its the big day~no la, no one's getting hitched, its my assessment day!!

So damn stress la....aiyo...dis tym round im very worried, coz everything is lyk not done properly...but lucky i did a skirt mock up...phew~

After 630pm ltr and i'll be free!!!i wish that 630pm will come soon....and i hope the assessors wun be asking much ltr...i have so much to present ltr, and its all marketing stuffs...omg...headache...

One Step Closer..

2006-10-01T13:39:00.000+08:00

The days are passing by so super fast, im one step closer to the assessment...and the darn thing is, i havent realli had most things done!!omg...dis is the 1st tym im rushing lyk hell...somemore its a group work!!i mean, ya, i rushed lyk hell for every sem's assessments, but dis tym round, everything is so messy~i cun stand it!!how i wish, i can restart all dis all over again...but of coz, i noe i cun...have to try to salvage as much as i can...muz realii realli concentrate....-_-

Nelly n me~

Look!!dis is nelly...shes so pretty!!!!and shes a good listener ...very happy to noe her...we have so much in common, really love talking to her...shes mature and understanding...hmm...godsend!!haha~

Going to tour round spore's neighbourhood places to get the best price to sell my hp...i wana get the samsung 870~or is there any cuter phones??hmm....i shall go to my fav place now to check it out!!yeah...EBAY~~~

Who Am I??

2006-09-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

I'm a Ford Mustang!

You're an American classic -- fast, strong, and bold. You're not snobby or pretentious, but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money.

"Take the Which'>http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar">Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Took a self test online just now,to find out who i am...oso duno how true it is..well,i am fast, i wans everything to be done quickly. strong??i supposed,since im still alive after all the misfortunes on me...

There are alot of things that i want to achieve, but, im getting more n more tired as the daes passed by...it seems to a point dat i'm already so drained of energy...all i want now is just to have a good relaxing time of my own. Nothing to interrupt, no worries, juz relaxation...but can i afford to have dat?I often said that life is unfair, n i used to hate my life. But, when i looked and analyse on pple ard me. actually im luckier than alot of pple! At least most importantly, i have a bf who sincerely loves me...i think i shud be contended with that...as for the otherthings i wana achieve, i juz have to work hard for it...isnt it?

Its just so unfair...

2006-09-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

Y life is just so unfair to me...i have to work so damn bloody hard just to get wat i wants...for the past deas, i had only managed a mere 3hr slp everyday. onli last nite did i manage to get a 8hr slp...was so damn shag lar..

Everyday is sch, then laneige then whynot...its so, so, tiring!!! I really thot i was gg to breakdown during those tyms. My whole body seemed to be squashing to the ground, n mind was whirling n i felt faint...basically, its horrible. a lot of tyms i wana cry out, but i resisted it..wats the point? pple will juz say dat im complaining too much...WATEVA....

Till now, im supposed to cum online to do ah bian's webby, but im simply too tired...gg to slp now...

The Day I tok With a 'S' in every word...

2006-09-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

I did it!! yup, i had my bad bad tooth extracted this morning!!It wasnt as scary as I thought...hmm..but the part whereby the dentist was holding on to the plier, hmm..well, dat's damn scary la!!He kept rotating, twisting it, cuz this bad tooth of mine juz cun bare to leave me..(oh..wat to do..im juz too sweet to resist!!Hee~) finally, when the tooth came off, i was so surprised to see that i had such a huge tooth!!Woo~

Alrite, it wasnt pain initially cuz of the jabs, but once the effect went off...i tell u...i'll rather wash a cow!!It was damn unbearable...my blood kept oozing non stop as if its a fountain, and the pain was so excruciating!!Bei bought me panadol finally...the pain eased...wa...my saviour!

So now, with a tooth less, (and its a big one, mind you!) i began to have difficulty in tokking. My right side of my face still felt sore n swollen, i look lyk one of the cabbage patch kids now...still, i have to pia my report...damn! haiz...wat to do?i chose dis road myself...

Sometimes i do blame myself for gg back to study and got myself into all dis shit. If i had continued to juz wrk, i'll have no probs with financial wise...but...'nuf said.

MOMO Night

2006-09-10T12:02:00.000+08:00

Went down to momo last nite to celebrate andy's bdae. it was super packed la....so so many pple!!!Even huishan n sophia went oso. Drank a bit,danced a bit then left. Wanted to go down to whynot to see beibei, but he insisted that i go home immediately.

Was rather pissed off at him cuz he shouted at me....Got home,did the usual stuffs and lie on my bed n my mind drifts...

Was wondering on the topic of love...thought about all my past relationships, how i felt etc etc. Just nice, the question of "What exactly is love" came into my mind.

Did a bit of serious thinking an this is my answer to it:

When u look at the person u felt happy and not pissed,

When u held the person hand, u felt warmth,

When u hug the person, u wished the time will stop at that moment.

When u said u love that person, u sincerely mean it,

When u are alone, think of the person and u realized there's this silly smile on ur face.

When u stop thinking about your ex bf, and the promises that he used to tell u.

And last and most important of all: When u felt like a knife juz bwent through ur heart, when ur bf quarrels or shouted at u...

Having all this consitutes to the fact that you are seriously in love with the person you are with now...

Yup, though i do felt like a super sharp knife juz went through my heart when bei bei shouted at me a few hours ago, but i cun help smiling to myself cuz i felt his love for me...and with this silly smile, i went into a sweet and peaceful slumber....

Its a Saturday....

2006-09-09T11:14:00.000+08:00

I can barely keep my eyes open now....so so sleepy....managed to catch a 3.5hr slp....omg! My skin,my body can barely take any longer, come to think of it, I still got at least a half year more of such lifestyles! Well, not really say that I'm complaining, I do enjoy working now and then unless I encounter with some really unreasonable assholes....but. bits just too taxing for my body...

I sort of felt guilty that I won't be going down to whynot to work today. Took off coz its boss's bdae...but whynot is having an event and they are so shorthanded...so...ya...felt bad about it...but if i dun go for boss's bdae, i felt bad too. Sigh, what should i do??? omg...such a difficult decision to make...

THeres dis idiot now, in front of me kept spraying her perfume everywhere...smell is so horribly strong!!ok, shes a perfume promoter, but that doesnt mean she has to spray her items all around!!as if its an air freshener...idiot....

Hope i'll have good sales today and hope i'll be able to come up with a good decision between going to work VS going to boss's bdae....omg...

Racing Against Time

2006-09-08T19:21:00.000+08:00

Its racing time again....against the time once more.so many datelines to meet yet so little time...

Poor me!!!!Weep~ right now, the most important thing is to get back all my focus onto my school projects and begin the adrenaline rush!

Things that I will need in order to survive:

** Coffee

** A storage of tidbits

** Instant noodles

** A surviving comp

** My bei bei's ultimate TLC

Hmm...im crossing my fingers and hope everything turns out well....(Angels help good gers rite??hehe!!)

Latest Creation

2006-09-06T16:36:00.000+08:00

The blog is finally set up!yup, its new, its cute,and its all about me!!!becoz its my blog...duh..

Was actually trying to do dis up last nite, but the flu medicine was making me so groggy n my hands kept trembling...haiz...side effect sia....think im gg to die soon...haha!! I really had to say this sentence everyday!

So here i am, at the RC counter,blogging...hmm...kinda risky...but beta than not having anything to do...really no customers...weep~

Oh, i saw dis guy juz now, he used to work in the wastons in northpoint, when i was a promoter for hoyu hair products, but i juz cun rmbr his name!!!damn!trying hard to fig it out...was it larrY?or was it harry..i cun rmbr,i juz noe that the 1st tym i learnt of his name, i kept thinking to myself y wld anyone wana get such a name...

Omg...my stomach is killing mi...cat beta cum back fast...i need the toilet...